Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
