There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize