Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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