And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
third nipple confirmed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
