she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
