I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
