Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm getting married
To pizza
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
