Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
