man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
