there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize