I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
