distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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