I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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