I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
