There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
