I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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