Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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