You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
