the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
