If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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