when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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