The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
