no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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