pop tarts are not kleenex
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
