He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
