Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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