This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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