i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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