Define "chronic" masturbator.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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