Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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