I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
