Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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