We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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