I must be too annoying 4 u.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
