Ambien. No doubt about it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
