omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
