I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want to make out with him forever
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
