His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
