Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
