Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
