i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
