I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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