Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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