Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
