remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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