last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
