wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
