Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
