we have pet lesbian snakes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
