i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
