??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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