What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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