So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
