Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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