The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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