bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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