Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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