I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
