if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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