with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it because I queefed?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
