Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
