you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
