I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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