My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
