I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
